Fighting Your Self-Saboteur...
When we are little, we have seemingly endless dreams, and we're 100% certain they'll come true. As we get older, people start telling us we can't do the things we want, or we simply don't succeed, which makes us feel incapable. Eventually, that voice that says we can't becomes a part of us. That's when our internal self-saboteur is born.
Each of us has an internal voice that showed up at some point and never left. It's the voice that tempts us to deviate from our goals because they are too hard or claims that working on ourselves is pointless because we will never be enough. It seems like every time we see a Pinterest project that we are dying to try or we make a commitment to hit the gym more, we stop almost immediately to say, it's ridiculous. I can't do that. Even when we pull off a major presentation at work or find a pair of pants that makes us feel amazing, that little voice tells us that we haven't done enough or worse, that we ourselves aren't enough. How can we hold ourselves accountable to our goals if we aren't confident enough to go after them?
A Hit to Our Confidence
If you hear or repeat something over and over, it starts to sound true no matter what it is and reinforcing negative messages can make us much less confident. The saboteur in our life says one of two things: we're not good enough, or we can't do it. We might give up at this point. We might just end up deciding to work together with someone else instead, which is valid, but we need to be confident enough to stand alone if we want to become leaders.Â
Not Good Enough
Always thinking our bodies are not perfect enough will never let us love them enough to have fun with our clothes. Until we learn to feel good in our own skin, how can we feel confident or start rocking bold fashion trends?
When we go to work, problems are bound to come up. There are always going to be flaws in our projects, and we might have to edit them again and again before they turn out the way we want them to. That is not a reflection on us; its just how life is. When we listen to our self-saboteur, however, each little mistake can turn into the end of the world, and we start to feel more insecure in every aspect of our professional lives instead of owning our talents and successes.
The dating game can also be rough. The negative voice inside of us might tell us that there is something wrong with us after a string of bad dates, which only leads to more bad dates. You need to be confident to make a potential SO see your worth. Insecurity is romantic self-sabotage; if someone can not see your worth it's their loss.
An even more powerful saboteur in our life than the belief that we are not good enough is the belief that we can not. While feeling insecure can make us second-guess ourselves and start to falter in our goals, thinking we can nott do something makes us give up before we even start.
As we continue to think about looking and feeling good, maybe we want to make some major lifestyle changes. We might be thinking about taking a walk from time to time, throwing a vegetable into the mix or practicing mindfulness. No matter what habits we want to change, we never will if we think it's impossible. After all, if we are just going to fail anyway, why try?
The same principle applies to work. You can not pitch a new idea or go out for a promotion if you do nott think you can succeed! Having enough faith in yourself to take a chance is the only path to success and feeling incapable will only sabotage you.
And of course, dating can always put a drain on confidence. Low self-esteem can lead to worse dates, but if you think the situation is hopeless, you won't even try! We can meet our perfect partners if we put ourselves out there.
Our self-saboteurs make us less confident and less willing to put ourselves out there to take what we want, so getting rid of them can seriously turn our lives around. Unfortunately, they are such a big part of us that they can seem like the voice of reason!
It's hard to fight an enemy you can nott see, so learning to see the saboteurs in our life is the first step to getting rid of them for good. Once we identify these voices, we can focus on our strengths and on what we can do to improve our weaknesses to become our most confident selves.
Sometimes, it's hard to separate the saboteurs in our life from our own voices, so we need an outside perspective. Other people can put our strengths and goals for improvement into perspective. If we work together with a confidence coach, we can feel a little better in the moment and feel even better over time as they help us learn to own our talents and grow as people. Once we can do that, our saboteurs will be out of our lives for good. Start working at your success sessions and watch yourself blossom into your best self!